With Valentine’s less then 24 hours away, this is the time where singletons everywhere often look within their own circles of friends for comfort. Several drinks later, one thing leads to another, hands suddenly find new places to explore on a friend and before you know it you’ve just had sex with someone you’ve known for years.
What now?
Panic Stations or Additional Benefit?
What happens next depends entirely on your levels of maturity. Friends with benefits can often work for many people, but to avoid any awkwardness or emotional pain, it is worth discussing the situation with your friend, even if you feel weird about it.
First question you need to ask yourself is “Did I enjoy what happened?” If the answer is yes then you can move onto another set of questions. If the answer is ‘no’ then you need to sit down with your friend and explain that what just happened was nice but that you don’t want to ruin the friendship you already share. Even if it was a mistake you can’t ever say ‘it was a mistake’ as that can often lead the other person to feeling hurt and demeaned.
If you both decide that you enjoyed the sex and you’re both happy to do it again, you need to establish the ground rules. Some good questions to ask are as follows:
1. Are we both happy to see each other casually with no commitment?
2. Are we both happy to date other people whilst we’re seeing each other?
3. If one person starts seeing someone else are you happy for them to do so?
4. Will you be jealous of one another during this stage of your relationship?
5. Do you think that you can go back to being friends without benefits?
As long as you answer these questions honestly they should help guide you as to whether or not you can be in a FWB relationship.
Some examples of FWB relationships have additional guidance to aid your decision:
28 year old Amil says it’s very easy to distinguish between a friend with benefits and a girlfriends:
“A FWB will give you your space. She won’t act possessive and she will give you your space. Equally you do the same to her.”
End Result?
Some FWBs can and do end up as more, but often the relationship ends with both parties going back to being friends without the benefits. Whether or not you think it’s for you depends entirely on your honesty with yourself and your friend.
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