In any sex life there is typically a role that the people involved have become accustomed to that they will usually take in regards to sexual instigation. Basically put if he normally instigates sex then she will be used to being propositioned and will adjust accordingly, and vice versa. This norm will have an affect on the sex that these people will normally have and may lead to boredom or staleness due to over familiarity on both sides. So if we know that doing the same think over and over will lead to the same outcome why do so many sexual partners end up with stale sex lives? The answer is that we all simultaneously crave safety and reliability and conversely new experiences and the unexpected. So it is the need for safety that pushes us to do the same thing over and over again.
Ok so we know why we've been doing this, but how do we stop. I can tell you from personal experience that even though I myself was bored with always taking the lead and instigating sex I was also challenged by my partner taking control, and this affected my sex drive and would cause me erectile problems. This was natural and completely in my head, but it sent a signal to my partner that she could not take control otherwise I would lose sexual attraction. This was not actually true but I understood why she felt that way. I was merely not prepared for the new experience and roles we were taking and that confusion took my out of the moment. The fact was that I had to talk to her and ask her to try again but instigate this time. To go through and completely take my role (well not really, but the control aspect of it) and that we would experiment with this new form of sexual play with each other and broaden our choices.
At first it was tough but in time it has been more than worth it and has had a great affect on our sex life. I was actually able to learn a lot from her as to what she likes and how to please her just right when she is in control that I could never get when she was submitting to my sexual control before.
Both of us are much happier this way and I would strongly suggest you all take a step outside your personal comfort zone in sex and do the old switcheroo at least some of the time.
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