Redefining Casual Sex

21 Feb 2014 - 09:00 | Tags: casual sex definitions

An article published by Annie Stokely last week entitled ‘Avoid Casual Sex on Valentine’s Day’ prompted me to think a lot about our definitions of sexuality, particularly casual sex.

Stokely is a student studying English in the US and she makes a persuasive case against our current attitudes towards sex. She quotes statistics gained from a CNN article claiming that 40% of the people polled (an equal split between men and women) would have sex with anyone if it meant not being alone on Valentine’s Day.

I agree with Stokely when she says it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. It leaves a bitter taste in my own, but not for entirely the same reason. Casual sex between two consenting adults can be equally meaningful or awful depending on each person’s mindset. Valentine’s Day puts a tremendous pressure on both couples and singletons essentially warping our viewpoints towards sex. For couples the pressure comes from feeling the need to make a special effort to impress and shower your partner with love, affection and sex. For singletons the pressure comes from finding a partner to do this with no matter what. It’s almost like a 'do-or-die' mission. Valentine’s Day became crassly commercialised years ago and every year that it rolls around you will see nervous men and women desperately trying to do something special for their partners at the last minute. At the same time you’ll see an equally large amount of single men and women doing everything they can to convince themselves they either don’t need a partner or put in extra legwork in finding someone to spend February the 14th with. In both cases the meaning of sex is grossly distorted.

Does this make casual sex a bad thing as Stokely seems to assert?

Casually Defined
Sex can be one of the most intimate things two human beings share with one another. It is also one of the most naturally enjoyable activities two human beings (or more) can share. Sex within a loving and committed relationship can be a wonderful thing – it would be arrogant and stupid to assume otherwise. Yet sex between two people who aren’t in a committed relationship but fancy each other enough to want to have sex together, can be equally wonderful, but in a different way.

It is arrogant to presume that sex can only be enjoyed by couples when there are many people who have enjoyed sex outside of a committed relationship. Sex is intimate but it has more then one meaning. Human beings are different so it is logical and natural for them to enjoy sex in different ways. Who am I to value my definition of how I enjoy sex above yours? Who is anyone to do this?

I agree with Stokely that people willing to hook up with anyone on Valentine’s Day just for the sake of hooking up is a sad state of affairs. It is however understandable. But instead of decrying all forms of casual sex, Stokely would be better arguing that Valentine’s Day can lead people to embark on ill conceived encounters. Here we do not encourage you to have sex with just anyone. There is a reason so many of our members specify what they’re looking for – people are different and want the choice. You don’t just go for the first person that comes along.

What do you think?

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