Being alone for a time can be great to unleash your sexual self

21 Mar 2022 - 23:27 | Tags: no sex please we are British, no sex

Everyone has times or periods where they have nothing going on in terms of relationships. Sometimes it rains and sometimes there is a drought. It is just the way that things are. There is nothing wrong with this and I think it is really important to acknowledge that this is the way of the world. If you speak to people in relationships the same is true! Just because they are in a relationship doesn’t mean they don’t have dry spells. In some ways it is harder to break because in a traditional monogamous relationship there is only one person that you can sleep with, so if that person is uninterested for any reason then you can’t just go elsewhere to lower hanging fruit, you have to try and make it work with them. This can be a real uphill struggle and one that I am glad I do not have to try and contend with! Much easier to just find someone new. So, if you have had a period of nothing remember that (i) this is natural and that (ii) there are some benefits to it as well! Allow me to expand.

The mental gain

When we are with someone, or in the hamster wheel of one person to the next, we don’t get time to take stock. We are too busy moving to the next thing that it doesn’t happen. However, when we are alone for a time, whether by choice or circumstance, we have that opportunity to reflect. Think of this like a leaky bucket. We are constantly putting more liquids into our leaky bucket in the form or stimulus, experience, girlfriends, boyfriends, conversations, emotions… we keep pilling it up. The whole time the leaky bucket is trying to be empty so that it can show you what it has hidden at the bottom, it is trying to help us… but we do not let it. We just keep filling it and filling it. However, when we stop dating for a while, we reduce what is going into the bucket, and if we are lucky, we are now putting in less than is leaking out. After some time, the water level goes low enough that we can start to glimpse what is on the bottom. For those brave enough, we let it drain all the way and then we can really see who we are without the influence and distortion that comes from having someone else in our lives.

From there we can remember who we are, what our values are, and we can return to the dating world a bigger, better and badder us.

Add new comment