Whenever we break up with any kind of romantic partner, whether that is a full on relationship that lasted for years, or perhaps just a fuck buddy that we hooked up with from time to time, there is something about the ending that intrinsically brings a loss. There is always a loss, always a feeling of a lack, something missing and something gone. This can occur even when you do not even like the person that much. It is regardless of how much you were into them, irrespective of the depth to which you liked them. I have spoken to people that have ended a coupling with someone that they really didn’t like that much, someone that they were both happy to see the back of, and were pleased to never have to sleep with ever again… yet even for those people there is a feeling of loss. That loss can have many side effects in the short term, and one of the most common ones is that of driving you back to sleep with you ex.
One of the foundational reasons for this comes from the inbuilt basic need that we all have for sex. It is hard coded into us, and it comes under the rare category of a “need”. Many people don’t like to think about it this way, but it is true. We all need certain things. We need air to breath, we need food to eat, and we need clothes to wear. Once that has been taken care of, very close on the list above that is a biologically driven need to have sex. To procreate, to spread out seed and our gene pool as best we can to ensure that our line does not end with us. We do that in the most fun way ever – by having sex!
What this means is that no matter who it is that you end the relationship/sexual hook up with, simply because you are going to be having less sex, you feel a loss. This is why it occurs even when you didn’t like the other person, even when all you were doing was hooking up with them occasionally. Whether it was a no strings attached relationship, or a regular fuck buddy, because your sex counter will drop, you will feel that loss.
The best way to get over it? Well what do you do when you loose your favourite coat? You go shopping for a new one!
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