Celebrate Sex

EdBennett — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 09:39:58 +0000

11 Jan 2016 - 09:39 | Tags: sex is great, fucking fun, casual sex definitions

We celebrate many thing in our lives. We celebrate certain times of the year, birthdays, anniversaries, we’ve just had Christmas and New years, one of the biggest in our culture! We also celebrate achievement and actions of a certain kind. Making lots of money is applauded, getting good grades at school gets you lots of attention, we celebrate those people who make other peoples lives better and happier. One of the things that we rarely celebrate here in the UK is the achievement of getting sex.

Whilst we have over recent years thrown off the shackles that sex is bad and all of that stiff upper lip nonsense, we still have remnants of it which haunt us, and one of those affects how we see sex, and specifically, the pursuit of it.

If someone is without a job, they will take action to get a job. They will make a CV, contact employers and when they do get a job they will be patted on the back by their friends and family and applauded for their efforts.
When someone is without sex, taking these steps are seen as a negative thing. Taking positive action to remedy the situation of being without someone to share an intimate moment with is not celebrated, and sometimes the opposite is true, it can be condemned. Lets look at online websites for example.

I am glad to say that things have changed massively in the last 10 years. For a long time even the most basic and badly run of internet dating sites was seen as bad thing. If you were internet dating 10 years ago you were seen as “sad”, someone who couldn’t find someone through more “normal” means and therefore as a last resort had to fall back on going to in the internet in order to be able to find someone willing to put up with them. This is so far from the truth, and I am glad to say that attitudes have massively changed here in the UK. Now to use the internet to find a match for what you are looking for is just seen as smart! It is using modern advances to help you make your life better... and likely the life of the person that you end up sleeping with!

We need a major attitude change here still on sex. We need to be celebrating people more when they get laid. They are improving their own lives and the life of the person that they just slept with.
So next time you know someone who is taking positive action to improve their sexual set up, celebrate them for taking action.

Redefining Casual Sex

EdBennett — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 09:00:00 +0000

21 Feb 2014 - 09:00 | Tags: casual sex definitions

An article published by Annie Stokely last week entitled ‘Avoid Casual Sex on Valentine’s Day’ prompted me to think a lot about our definitions of sexuality, particularly casual sex.

Stokely is a student studying English in the US and she makes a persuasive case against our current attitudes towards sex. She quotes statistics gained from a CNN article claiming that 40% of the people polled (an equal split between men and women) would have sex with anyone if it meant not being alone on Valentine’s Day.

I agree with Stokely when she says it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. It leaves a bitter taste in my own, but not for entirely the same reason. Casual sex between two consenting adults can be equally meaningful or awful depending on each person’s mindset. Valentine’s Day puts a tremendous pressure on both couples and singletons essentially warping our viewpoints towards sex. For couples the pressure comes from feeling the need to make a special effort to impress and shower your partner with love, affection and sex. For singletons the pressure comes from finding a partner to do this with no matter what. It’s almost like a 'do-or-die' mission. Valentine’s Day became crassly commercialised years ago and every year that it rolls around you will see nervous men and women desperately trying to do something special for their partners at the last minute. At the same time you’ll see an equally large amount of single men and women doing everything they can to convince themselves they either don’t need a partner or put in extra legwork in finding someone to spend February the 14th with. In both cases the meaning of sex is grossly distorted.

Does this make casual sex a bad thing as Stokely seems to assert?

Casually Defined
Sex can be one of the most intimate things two human beings share with one another. It is also one of the most naturally enjoyable activities two human beings (or more) can share. Sex within a loving and committed relationship can be a wonderful thing – it would be arrogant and stupid to assume otherwise. Yet sex between two people who aren’t in a committed relationship but fancy each other enough to want to have sex together, can be equally wonderful, but in a different way.

It is arrogant to presume that sex can only be enjoyed by couples when there are many people who have enjoyed sex outside of a committed relationship. Sex is intimate but it has more then one meaning. Human beings are different so it is logical and natural for them to enjoy sex in different ways. Who am I to value my definition of how I enjoy sex above yours? Who is anyone to do this?

I agree with Stokely that people willing to hook up with anyone on Valentine’s Day just for the sake of hooking up is a sad state of affairs. It is however understandable. But instead of decrying all forms of casual sex, Stokely would be better arguing that Valentine’s Day can lead people to embark on ill conceived encounters. Here we do not encourage you to have sex with just anyone. There is a reason so many of our members specify what they’re looking for – people are different and want the choice. You don’t just go for the first person that comes along.

What do you think?

F Buddy - casual sex definitions

Celebrate Sex

Redefining Casual Sex