Good sex is the foundation stone of any relationship whether casual or serious

EdBennett — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 17:40:02 +0000

28 Sep 2015 - 18:40 | Tags: Sex, online dating britain's only hope

In Britain we have always struggled with discussing the issue of sex. This has been part of the culture since well before I was born, and can clearly be seen in our art – the most clearly defined being the long running west end hit “No Sex Please, We’re British” which ran for almost a decade playing to full houses the whole way. The influence of American films and television have sensationalised sex, delivering to us footage of long standing sex scenes that seem to go on for hours... something which rarely happens in real life.

So we are presented with 2 options, never talk about sex at all, or reach for easy access to internet porn and learn what we can about it in that environment. This also can lead us to bad places, an over abundance of porn for free can lead to over use, and this can be damaging to your sexual happiness in the long term. This is one of the reasons I applaud you for coming to this site. You are going to be far happier and healthier by having real sex with another actual human being than gratifying your needs by yourself on a computer. I want to be clear, in more normal dose’s this is fine, it is on in the long term that this can start to cause you problems.

So what we never talk about in a free and comfortable way is that sex is not only a normal natural part of a relationship, but that actually it is an important cornerstone of that relationship. For us to lead full and fulfilled lives most of us want to be in a partnership with someone of the gender that we are attracted to. Within that partnership many people will share and take joy in sharing different parts of their lives:

• Success at work
• Their interactions with their family
• Evenings out for dinner
• Invites to birthdays, weddings, funerals and other important events
• Moments of sadness
• Their greatest victories

For all their sharing and the success of that however, when you move into a monogamous relationship you cut off the ability to sleep with anyone else... and at that point if the sex isn’t good, you are stuck with it. If you are not gratified in bed, if the girl/guy you are with does not make you want to take them in your arms and make them groan in pleasure, or if they are unable to make you loose yourself in the moment when all layers are stripped away, there is going to be no replacing that.

No matter what the nature of your sexual relationship, good sex is an important cornerstone element, and if it is not good, then you are never – NEVER – going to be truly happy in that relationship. So I my suggestion is this: start with the sex. If it is good then you can potentially build from there. If it is not good, then things were never going to be able to work out.

Has online dating become Britain’s only hope?

EdBennett — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 14:00:02 +0000

23 Nov 2014 - 14:00 | Tags: online dating britain's only hope

Short answer: No but it does help.

Long answer: See below.

I recently read a piece on the Guardian website which filled me with both sympathy and frustration. Written by Hadley Freeman a respected US journalist it detailed her view of what Britain’s dating culture is like. Basically we’re a bunch of repressed people hiding behind our computers instead of having the guts to actually go up and talk to someone on the street. I’m not saying there isn’t some truth in that, but when it comes to casual dating and dating where you’re not sure what you want yet, going online is sometimes the better option.

Dating and Dating to hook up
We wear our heart on our sleeve here. Yes we are primarily about enabling consenting adults the opportunity to meet up and have sex. However we are not naïve enough to think that things never develop beyond quick shag Sex is one of the most important parts when it comes to dating and if you can’t find a compatible partner in the bedroom then the chances are you’re going to be pretty lonely. This is where online dating can help and casual dating can really help. It’s not for everybody (again we’d be naïve to claim that it was) but it does allow people to explore their sexual preferences and needs so that when it comes to finding someone you do want to spend more time with, you will have learnt more about what you like and don’t like.

Online dating just like ‘normal dating’ is equally as stressful for some people. Many women and men describe dating as being ‘worse than preparing for a job interview’. It certainly can be if you haven’t gone and prepared. Dating is supposed to be fun, but it’s also supposed to be about finding someone compatible sexually and personally. Freeman’s comments that online dating takes away the thrill of being asked out in public are valid for her, but they are not valid for everyone. Also you could argue it’s less efficient. Whilst that sounds coldly calculating, dating has always been about calculating the best possible option for you. But instead of spending months finding out about someone after you’ve kissed them in a bar and taken them home, you spend a bit more time finding out about someone before you meet them. This can root out the people you wouldn’t want to spend time or sleep with and it can help you zone in on the ones you would.

I’m not saying there aren’t flaws - after all it is easy to lie online if you want to. However it is also easy to lie to someone in person. The only difference is where and when the lie occurs. The challenge with dating be it online or off will always remain the same: finding someone who’s compatible with you.

F Buddy - online dating britain's only hope

Good sex is the foundation stone of any relationship whether casual or serious

Has online dating become Britain’s only hope?