F Buddy - sex fantasies

Understand your fuck buddy: why people lie about what they want in bed

EdBennett — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 14:36:38 +0000

31 Jul 2022 - 15:36 | Tags: sex and lies, sex fantasies, being better in bed

Sex is a natural process and, frankly, everyone should be having more of it. I have said it before and I will say it again, if more people were having more sex, we would all be in a happier place! One way of increasing the quality of your sex is to understand it better. If you can understand your fuck buddy better, the better you can work to please each other more and more. Sex, whilst it really is a natural process, is also a complicated thing! Some people have studied it for a lifetime and never managed to learn everything about it. It has a complex science behind it… but when actioned best it is often approached as an art (with creativity). It is a powerful force as well. Let us not forget that ultimately Helen of Troy “the face that launched a thousand ships” to war was done so because one man wanted to have sex with a woman. To help you with this, here is something that you probably didn’t know about sex.

Ever wondered why people lie about what they really want in bed? Here is why.

Most people, during some points in their life (sometimes more), think that they are weird in regards to their sexual desires and wants. We all think that we are special snowflakes, that we are unusual. This is in the deep recesses of our hearts and you may need to dig really deep to discover it. It is there. This means that, if we think we are weird, that we can develop guilt about the fact that we are not normal when in reality we are universally deviant. To be abnormal is the norm. We are left in a place where to communicate what we want is to risk what the other person thinks of us. So we hold back for in truth the fear is justified and founded in reality. Nothing erotic is so with someone who isn’t “into it”. With the wrong person it is simple disgusting, horrible, detestible… and thus our sexual partner comes to detest us and even the most hardened of us will find pain and rejection in that. This is why it is hard to tell people what we really want…

…but if we can tell them we may find the solace that is sought. With two people coming together with an acceptance of the act, what can ensue is beautiful travesty. As both parties accept each other with their sexual desires as deviant as they may feel they are, and even more enact and embrace them, true extasy is found.

So if you wonder why you do not share even with your fuck buddy with whom you should be able to be open with sexually, this is why. This is also the reason to take the leap and do it anyway.

Jump.

Explore both your fantasies

EdBennett — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 17:26:27 +0000

6 Nov 2015 - 17:26 | Tags: fantasies, sex fantasies, sex fantasy

Everyone has fantasies, and I am not talking about dreams of being a wizard or growing up at Hogwarts. Everyone has sexual fantasies, whether they talk about them or not (and this being Britian I expect that “not” is the go to for most folk). We wake up, we brush our teeth, comb our hair, waist anything up to an hour of our lives commuting to a job, and when there spend the day seeming respectable and smart. We all appear “normal” and that is what we are striving for. However underneath that outer exterior of straight laced sensibleness, in the depths of our carnal desires lies our sexual fantasies. Therein lies the images that we imagine whilst in our deepest of wet dreams, and the things we would love to do or have done to us. Here is the key thing, people do not speak of it because they fear being judged, they think people will think less of them, because ultimately they feel it is weird. Here is the news folks – it is normal. I say this again, it is NORMAL.

Everyone has them, including your partner. This is where it starts to get interesting. So if you have some fantasies, your partner has some fantasies, and neither of you are talking about them out of fear of weirding the other person out – you are both missing out on a chance to play with those fantasies.

Your fantasies are gifts

Everyone wants to have a good time in bed, more than that most people want to have the best time in bed. Trying to increase pleasure in the bedroom is something that humans have been exploring for as long as the written word existed. Books have been written about it, TV shows made, even courses created and run for couples. The question of how to do this is one that has plagued people for a long time. Well, your fantasies and your partners fantasies are gifts in this respect. Having a hidden desire (however bizarre) gives you an opportunity to fullfill that desire... and thus harness the power of the pleasure created from that fulfilment. Both you and your partner stand to massively gain from this! So telling your partner about your fantasies are giving her/him a gift that they can then use to help enhance both your pleasures in the bedroom. Equally, your partner opening up about her/his desires is giving you a gift, and if you can bring this across they are much more likely to be able to share this with you.

Go first

Getting your partner to open up is a hard call. Talking about this stuff leaves you open and vulnerable. The best way to create an environment where this can happen, is to go first. If you share your inner most fantasies and open up about your sexual desires, she/he is likely to reciprocate. The law of human reciprocation is a fundamental one, and likely to come into play here.

Try it, you might no WILL like it

So give it a go. Create a safe space and talk to your partner about your fantasies. You may well find those quickly turning from dream to reality – something that I know you will love.

Is it okay to fantasise about someone else when you’re having sex?

EdBennett — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:04:48 +0000

23 Jun 2015 - 14:04 | Tags: sex fantasies, casual sex, wisdom & pitfalls of casual sex

In relationships, fantasising about someone else whilst you’re having sex is often called ‘emotional cheating’. But is it? We all indulge in sexual fantasy as par for the course so it is it really that surprising that we often fantasise about people other than the person we’re actually having sex with at that point? I don’t think so and neither does respected sex therapist David Schnarch who interviewed for The Daily Beast a few years ago. Imagining yourself having sex with anyone other than your partner when masturbating for example is cited a normal healthy sexual behaviour. There is only a problem if you deprive your sexual partner of your attention to go and jack off in the bathroom over some porn star or video you’ve been watching.

Casual Sex and Fantasy
Casual sex probably allows us the most leeway when it comes to fantasising about other partners during sex. The whole nature of the relationship is almost anti-monogamy so fantasy is actively encouraged. However, even in a casual context, you can still fantasise too much whilst having sex. You can sometimes avoid sex in order to wank off to someone else you may have slept with in the past. These feelings are normal, but we have to learn when they become so powerful that they stop us from having good sex.

Fantasy is an aid not a replacement
The more we rely on our fantasies, the less present we will be during sex. A fantasy can never replace the reality. Sure, they can be heaps of fun and can encourage a lot of imagination in (and out) of the bedroom. But they are not suitable replacements for a really good shag.

Push the boundaries
In a monogamous relationship the new and excited feelings often associated with having sex with someone for the first time tend to disappear after a few months. You both know each other’s bodies fairly well and you both become nervous to try and take the next steps in upping the sexual ante. These boundaries can be pushed by indulging in each other’s fantasies and perhaps even exploring your kinks. If you’re not ready to try hardcore BDSM, then it’s okay to explore new positions, situations and places to have sex.

Casually Speaking
The boundaries are less clear with casual sex. You can push things earlier unafraid that even if your partner doesn’t engage, it doesn’t really matter as you can always find another partner who might. However it is important to remember not to let your fantasies overtake your reality. If you do, then the sex you have will be less enjoyable, less fulfilling and likely less frequent. Fantasy has its place, but don’t forget to be there for the sex.