Do you have to like the person you are having sex with?

EdBennett — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 20:05:59 +0000

20 Dec 2017 - 20:05 | Tags: rules of sex, casual dating

There is an assumption that we have ingrained into us when it comes to people that we are having sex with. We assume that the “right” and “correct” thing to do, is to like them. I would like to take and discuss this assumption in this article, where we will explore how necessary this actually is, and also cover some of the advantages of not particularly liking this month’s friend with benefits.

Whether we having sex with a long term hook up, a friend with benefit or just someone that we picked up that evening (or even daytime) there is an assumption that we “like” them. I need to qualify this, what I mean by like them, I mean things about them that having little to do with the sexual nature of the relationship. Included in this list are elements such as:

Their personality
Their jokes and humour
Their musical tastes
Their cooking
The movies that they like
Spending time with them doing things other than sex

If you were having a long-term relationship with some that involves co habiting, that involves living together and spending time co existing, then these things are all important things. However, if you are just having sex, how important are these, really? You don’t actually have to eat with them. You don’t have to take them to the cinema, nor do you have to spend enough time with them to laugh at their bad jokes. So what is important.

Do you want to have sex with them?

This is the most important question. If you are sleeping with someone and it is a no strings attached set up, then how much more of them do you have to like past the point of liking them physically? You don’t, and this is the assumption that we all make that is incorrect.

Do you want to do more than have sex with them?

If the answer is yes, then all well and good. Go ahead and do more… but remember that this is optional. You don’t *have* to be hanging out with them for extended periods of time with your clothes on, you are perfectly able to only do it whilst naked!

How do you do this?

Just be honest! There is little else that is as sexy than having someone that wants to sleep with you. That is one of the biggest turn ons that there is! So if you want to just have sex and nothing more, that is perfectly acceptable. My only word of warning – maybe don’t say this explicitly!

Know that no means no for less fear in the bedroom

EdBennett — Tue, 20 Oct 2015 12:18:31 +0000

20 Oct 2015 - 13:18 | Tags: rules of sex, turn on techniques

Sometimes when things are getting heated in the bedroom, feelings can get out of control. In many ways, a sign of how well things are going is when you get sexually out of control. The best orgasms happen when you really truly let go, when you and the person you are with allow your carnal desires to really come out, to be unleashed till all there remains is your body, their body, and an indefinable need to have each other in an extreme a way as possible.

One of the paradox’s with this is that to reach this stage of total wanting-longing-having-taking, you have to just give in to your urges and let go of control... and this is where there is a danger zone. Sometimes, for what ever reason, the other person may decide that regardless of build up, that they don’t want to have sex with you, or that they wish to stop. At this point they will make this clear by saying this. If this happens at a point where the build up has been huge and you are ready to just let go and give in to the need, the exercising of will power to pull back can take quite a lot of effort.

It may feel like you are losing out, you may be made to feel insecure by this, insulted, and ultimately left frustrated. However the presence of the “no” as an absolute is a crucial ingredient that is necessary in to order to reach the point of total abandonment. See here is how it works.

In order to be able to totally let go and just do what you want with your partner you need to know 100% that they are consenting and on board with this. You need to be sure. As things progress you may move to doing more interesting or unusual things in the bedroom. Whether that is playing around with some rope and tying the other person, or more hard core BDSM. Whatever you are doing, you want to be able to push the boundaries into fantasy with confidence, and without fear that you are doing something without consent. This is where the power of “no” comes into its own and works hard for you.

When you both know that no means no, the other person can more readily be presented with new things with out fear – they know they can stop it at any time. As for you, when you know that they can say “no” – you can push things as hard or as fast as you like, because you also know that if they are uncomfortable, they can stop things at any time.

The presence of the word “no” serves both parties! Embrace it!

F Buddy - rules of sex

Do you have to like the person you are having sex with?

Do you want to have sex with them?

Do you want to do more than have sex with them?

How do you do this?

Know that no means no for less fear in the bedroom