F Buddy - casual sex

Why Vanilla Sex Works

EdBennett — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:20:45 +0000

2 Sep 2015 - 20:20 | Tags: vanilla sex, Kink, bondage, fetish, casual sex, BDSM

"I wish [BDSM folks] would stop referring to me as 'vanilla.' If you're making the case that everyone should be free to do what they like without being judged, why call non-BDSM people a derogatory name that implies they're all prudish bores?" – Anonymous, commenter on Bitch.

You read a lot online and off about vanilla sex vs kinky sex. It seems to me that if you’re not that interested in the more heavy kinky stuff, you get judged for either being a prude or just inexperienced. As you can see from the comment above, I’m not alone in my theory. I’m here to tell you that vanilla sex is okay. I’m here to tell you that vanilla sex is good. I’m here to tell you that vanilla sex is fun! So why do the BDSM Brigade insist on sneering at and dismissing anyone who’s into vanilla sex? It’s especially annoying when you take into account this remark from Andrea Dworkin.

"Those of us who have different notions of eroticism and sensuality are simply dismissed. The pejorative word [being] 'vanilla,' which is ironically, one of the most sensual aromas."

Andrea is right. Vanilla has lasted for a good reason: people like it.

Don’t judge

If you are into BDSM or extremely kinky sex, that’s great! In my view whatever helps you enjoy your time in the bedroom without hurting anyone is fine by me. But if you insist on judging other people by your own sexual standards, then I’m afraid you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. People are different and have different ways of enjoying sex. So what if I don’t like being tied up and hung from a ceiling? At least I can have an orgasm without the need for dozens of chains, whips, bull gags and ropes. You see how the insults can work both ways?

So to the BDSM groupies I have one message for you; what you do is great! I admire it and I respect you for it. But please remember that not everyone is like you and ‘vanilla sex’ is more enjoyable for some people then kinky sex.

Top 5 Mistakes People Make on the 1st Message

EdBennett — Thu, 13 Aug 2015 14:42:08 +0000

13 Aug 2015 - 15:42 | Tags: casual sex, messaging, sexting

It’s a bit like a revolving subject this one, but the reason we and so many other blogs keep talking about it is because people (guys mostly I’m afraid) don’t seem to know what to say on their first message. Many people seem to think that the best way to grab a potential f-buddy’s attention is to talk about their penis or be unable to say anything other than ‘Hi Babe’. If you haven’t already figured it out, messages like these just go straight in the bin. Below we run through the top 5 mistakes people (mostly guys - sorry guys but its true!) make when sending their first message.

1. Sending a Wink

So you decide you like the look of someone’s profile. Great! But instead of messaging, you send a shitty little emoticon instead. Because you’ve done this your message will now be binned. Goodbye Captain Can’t-be-arsed-to-write-a-proper message.

2. Saying ‘Hi Babe, you’re gorgeous!’

Really, people still send these messages. Not only is it boring, dull and insulting, it’s just pathetic. Again this kind of message will be going straight into the bin.

3. ‘Hi’

Possibly the stupidest message to send to someone. Okay so you want to say hello, but what else? Like who you are? Why you decided to message? Come on people! It’s really not that hard to think of something more interesting than ‘Hi’.

4. Taking too long to respond to her message

Guys do this more than women. Taking long to respond to someone’s message is not only rude, it’s stupid. Guess what hot shot? The chances of her messaging you back after you’ve done something like this are literally zero. Why? Because she thinks you’ve lost interest. It doesn’t make you seem cool or mysterious or busy if you don’t message back within a reasonable time. It just makes you look like a dick. Which you are if you do this.

5. Asking for personal information too soon

Red alert! This is by far the biggest mistake a lot of people (guys again!) make when sending a first message. Would you give out all your personal details to a complete stranger? No? So why ask someone you haven’t even met yet for theirs? Wake up!

Top 10 Places to Have Sex Around the World

EdBennett — Sat, 01 Aug 2015 10:54:39 +0000

1 Aug 2015 - 11:54 | Tags: best places to have sex, top sex spots, casual sex

You don’t have to an expert in the Kama sutra to enjoy a rich and varied sex life. Location can be just as important as position when it comes to having sex. And everyone is always looking to fuck in new places. Here are some of the top places we recommend you should have sex in – and the best bit is, you don’t have to a jet setting millionaire in order to try them out!

1. An Empty House

Preferably this works best if it’s your house. If not any old empty house will do. In fact it might even add to the thrill of having sex in a place that’s not technically yours.

2. The Kitchen

There’s a reason this features highly in porn videos – it’s different and it can be incredibly erotic. Think of all the fun you can have with food!

3. The Laundry Room/Washing Cupboard

Again there is a reason this scenario features prominently in porn videos. Same house different location. Very hot.

4. In the Water

Do not confuse this with sex on the beach. Sex in water can be highly erotic and powerful. It can prolong your orgasms as well.

5. In front of a screen/TV

Start by sending dirty messages on your phone about what you’re going to do with your f-buddy when you see them later. Then when you do meet, turn the TV on but keep all the other lights out whilst you have sex.

6. On a Boat in the middle of nowhere

As long as no one can see what you’re doing, having sex on a boat is one of the best things to try. If the water is a little choppy, so much the better.

7. In the Car

A classic for a reason – the fear of getting caught is always there, which just heightens the sexual tension.

8. In a Public Toilet

I’ve never quite got this – public toilets can be really…well…disgusting! But apparently it’s one of the hottest places for people to enjoy a quick shag. Just pick your toilet wisely.

9. In Your Parents’ House

Sounds childish, but even if you’re over 30, what’s to stop you from experiencing the thrill of doing it in your parents’ house? There’s still the fear of being caught to keep you up and at em!

10. In a Public School after hours – or during!

You will get arrested if you’re caught doing this, so we definitely do not recommend trying it. We’re just reporting on what the top places to have sex in the world are. Not whether or not we agree with them!

How to write a killer opening message

EdBennett — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 11:37:47 +0000

23 Jul 2015 - 12:37 | Tags: messaging, first message, opening lines, casual sex, F-buddy, adult dating

Opening lines are always hard to come up with. You see someone you like the look of from across the bar, you pluck up the courage to go up and say hello, and for reasons unknown your mouth goes dry, your throat seizes up and you just stand there gurgling awkwardly. Worse; you say something really stupid or insane that makes the person look at you oddly and walk away. Theoretically speaking it should be easier to come up with a really good opening line online! After all you have more time to think about what you’re going to say to a prospective f-buddy. Yet a lot of our users constantly bemoan the fact that they keep getting messages like “Hey sexy. Fancy a shag?” or “WOW! U r hot!”

Definitely not Shakespeare and definitely not impressing a lot of our members who receive this Casanova-lite nonsense. There are simple and effective methods in communicating with someone for the first time. We’re now going to show you how to write a really good opening message without sounding like either a total dick head or a snobby bitch. You want to get a new f-buddy? Pay attention.

The DOs

1. DO be creative
Nothing says ‘I haven’t thought about this at all’ like ‘Hey babe!’ or ‘Hi’ Be a little more creative with your opening message. You are trying to introduce yourself to someone you fancy for crying out loud. They’re not going to remember lame opening lines. They will remember creative and cleverly worded sentences.

2. DO look at the profile
Once you’ve finished ogling the photos don’t just speed right into messaging. Have a look at the f-buddy’s profile. Are you a match for them? When someone says they’re not interested in people sending them cock pictures, they actually mean it. It’s not an invitation for you to do so. Pay attention to the profile.

3. DO be aware that you’re messaging a real human being
It’s easy to be drawn into objectifying every single profile you browse. After all you’re both here to shag right? Yes, but remember that like you, this other person is a human being and is just as fallible as you. Don’t be a dick or a bitch with your messaging. Be nice and be understanding.

The DON’Ts

1. DON’T message someone you’re not a match with
When someone says they’re not interested in men older than 50 – guess what? They mean it!

2. DON’T text speak someone
Unless someone has written their profile in text speak, you should try and use correct spelling and punctuation in your messaging. Things like ‘LOL U R SXY’ will get you nowhere if the profile you message has bothered to spell and construct proper sentences.

3. DON’T get frustrated or angry if someone doesn’t respond to your message
Just like in a bar or a club or anywhere in the real world, not everyone is going to want to talk to you. It’s a fact of life! So don’t get upset, down or angry if you don’t receive a reply from someone you messaged. They might be busy or you just might not be their type.

How easy is it to hook up online?

EdBennett — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 12:09:12 +0000

16 Jul 2015 - 13:09 | Tags: casual sex, online dating, adult online dating, hook up, hooking up

With the number of online dating sites now available, it really has become a ‘consumer’s choice’ market. All the power now is with you. Or is it? At last count there are just over 91 million people across the world using online dating apps and services. There are now over a thousand different online dating sites and that figure is set to rise even further in 2016. In theory it should be easier than ever before to find someone to date, hook up with or pursue a serious relationship with. The reality sadly (and we are genuinely sad to admit this!) is quite different.

The Top Problems & How to Avoid Them

• Fake or misleading profiles
It’s an undeniable fact that some users – especially on the free sites – either extend the truth or just post fake profiles online. The reasons for this are myriad with anything from raising their self esteem to just messing around for a laugh. This is immensely frustrating for the people who are genuinely looking. Sites like F-Buddy have a lot of security measures in place to stop the proliferation of fake profiles, but that doesn’t mean you won’t encounter the odd one or two.

How to avoid
Be honest about what you’re here for. If someone is just interested in chatting but nothing else, end the conversation and move on. You’re not here to waste time. If you suspect a profile might be fake report it to a member of the F-Buddy team right away.

• Finding a match
There are hundreds of thousands of profiles to go through! How on earth do you find the right one for you? It’s another fact that most daters are put off by the immense effort it takes to find even just one profile that suits their tastes.

How to avoid
Set your preference and search filters straight away when you set up your profile. This will eliminate a lot of waste from the start. Also make sure you fill out all sections of your profile as completely and honestly as you can. Specify exactly what it is you’re looking for. Again this will help the system match you with the right kind of people. It means spending a little more time on your profile but it will save you so much time when looking.

• Depressed Searching
A now common complaint from daters is that they can never seem to find the right match for them. This affects their mood when looking and ends with them having a very negative outlook. This negative outlook is carried through to any searching that is done. It’s like shooting yourself in the foot.

How to avoid
Take a break. It’s that simple. If you’re not in the right mindset for finding a date or someone to hook up with, you’re not going to be successful in your searching. Take a break and focus on other aspects of your life. When you’re feeling better about yourself come back and give it another go.

Sexy Summer Tips

EdBennett — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 07:35:29 +0000

1 Jul 2015 - 08:35 | Tags: summer sex tips, casual sex, threesomes, fetish, dressing up, swimwear

Now that the mercury has climbed the peaks and hit the +30 degree mark, it’s time to start thinking about all the ways you can enjoy your sex life this summer. You only have to walk down the streets in the south of England at the moment to see that people are wearing less and smiling more. And what’s not to smile about? With skin on display and hormones revving, summer is one of the best times of the year to enjoy casual sex with new people and old partners. With this in mind we’ve prepared a few guidance tips to get your mind in the mood and your chances a boost.

1. Smile when you’re out
It sounds simple, but you only have to take a look around on the bus or the train to see how little people seem to smile. But we should! Okay, so the train or the bus might be hot, but a smile can go a long way to showing someone that not all is lost. It’s also a great way to let someone you fancy know you that you’ve noticed them. As long as you don’t come off all creepy you should be in a prime position to make the most of an ingratiating smile this summer.

2. Take a chance
They say summer lowers the inhibitions. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it certainly can make you feel more relaxed and friendly. Why not take a chance and message that person you’ve been too afraid to try talking to? What’s the worst that can happen? They don’t reply. And if that’s the worst that can happen than you’ve lost nothing. Hoorah!

3. Socialise more
Summer leaves you no excuse not to socialise. Now is not the season for staying in and watching DVDs. Summer is the season to get out there and greet the world and have some fun. You’re more likely to hook up with someone if you socialise more. It’s simple mathematics people.

4. Go swimming
Okay you know how girls and guys claim that a swimming pool is not the place to check people out? Do you also know that everyone lies? Of course a swimming pool is often where people check one another out. Why else do you think men and women wear such revealing costumes?

5. Stay out a bit later
Summer allows us more chances to stay up and out a little later than usual. Not only is it warmer, it’s lighter too and people don’t want to go to sleep right away. Why miss the chance of a casual encounter by going home early?

Is it okay to fantasise about someone else when you’re having sex?

EdBennett — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:04:48 +0000

23 Jun 2015 - 14:04 | Tags: sex fantasies, casual sex, wisdom & pitfalls of casual sex

In relationships, fantasising about someone else whilst you’re having sex is often called ‘emotional cheating’. But is it? We all indulge in sexual fantasy as par for the course so it is it really that surprising that we often fantasise about people other than the person we’re actually having sex with at that point? I don’t think so and neither does respected sex therapist David Schnarch who interviewed for The Daily Beast a few years ago. Imagining yourself having sex with anyone other than your partner when masturbating for example is cited a normal healthy sexual behaviour. There is only a problem if you deprive your sexual partner of your attention to go and jack off in the bathroom over some porn star or video you’ve been watching.

Casual Sex and Fantasy
Casual sex probably allows us the most leeway when it comes to fantasising about other partners during sex. The whole nature of the relationship is almost anti-monogamy so fantasy is actively encouraged. However, even in a casual context, you can still fantasise too much whilst having sex. You can sometimes avoid sex in order to wank off to someone else you may have slept with in the past. These feelings are normal, but we have to learn when they become so powerful that they stop us from having good sex.

Fantasy is an aid not a replacement
The more we rely on our fantasies, the less present we will be during sex. A fantasy can never replace the reality. Sure, they can be heaps of fun and can encourage a lot of imagination in (and out) of the bedroom. But they are not suitable replacements for a really good shag.

Push the boundaries
In a monogamous relationship the new and excited feelings often associated with having sex with someone for the first time tend to disappear after a few months. You both know each other’s bodies fairly well and you both become nervous to try and take the next steps in upping the sexual ante. These boundaries can be pushed by indulging in each other’s fantasies and perhaps even exploring your kinks. If you’re not ready to try hardcore BDSM, then it’s okay to explore new positions, situations and places to have sex.

Casually Speaking
The boundaries are less clear with casual sex. You can push things earlier unafraid that even if your partner doesn’t engage, it doesn’t really matter as you can always find another partner who might. However it is important to remember not to let your fantasies overtake your reality. If you do, then the sex you have will be less enjoyable, less fulfilling and likely less frequent. Fantasy has its place, but don’t forget to be there for the sex.

7 Reasons To Have Casual Sex Before You Die

EdBennett — Sat, 30 May 2015 11:00:46 +0000

30 May 2015 - 12:00 | Tags: casual sex, casual sex fun, F-buddy, f-buddies, friends with benefits

There are many things we are sure of in life. We need to eat. We need to sleep. We need to exercise. We need to play. We need to have sex. For humans sex is a biological imperative. The less sex we have, the less healthy we become. You only have to look at the Roman Catholic scandals from the past 5 years alone to realise that enforced abstinence is not healthy for a large majority of the priesthood.

So here are 5 simple reasons everyone should at experience casual sex at least once before they kick the bucket.

1. Valar Morghulis (All Men Must Die)
Okay so I stole this from Game of Thrones, but it’s very true. We all live, and we all die. We don’t know if there is anything else past this life, but our understanding of science thus far, tells us that there is not. So we should try and experience as much as we can before we die.

2. It’s Fun
Unlike a relationship, with casual sex you can have fun for fun’s sake. You don’t have to be worrying about someone else’s feelings or reactions to any new kinky positions you want to try but were afraid to with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. No Commitment
See above. You can have sex as much as you like, but you don’t have to do the irritating dating stuff like going to a restaurant or cinema.

4. No Promises
Sometimes the best relationships arise from casual sex, but that’s because no one has made any promises beforehand. Don’t promise anything and you find that casual sex is so much more enjoyable.

5. Not Emotional
Partly true. Casual sex is less emotionally involving than sex in a monogamous relationship.

6. You Learn More About Yourself
Emotionally and physically; casual sex teaches you more about yourself than you’ll ever learn in a committed relationship.

7. The Lines Are Clearer
There is no blur with casual sex as long as you’ve been upfront about it from the start. The lines and boundaries are very clear and if one of you wants to change them you only need ask.

Which Country Has the Highest Libido?

EdBennett — Wed, 20 May 2015 12:51:11 +0000

20 May 2015 - 13:51 | Tags: libido, Sex, casual sex

To be honest this had never even occurred to me before as a blog post. It was only because someone asked me when I was having a drink at my local pub that I started to ponder the answer. Surely it has to be one of the South American Latino countries right? In many areas of Brazil and Argentina the women wear virtually nothing, and every bloke looks like he should be on the cover of GQ. They must be at it like rabbits all the time! Well it turns out I and many others like me were wrong. Whilst there are sites that rank Brazil and Portugal as the top 2 countries for the highest libido levels, other sites have Iceland and Sweden hitting the top 10. The UK unfortunately is nowhere to be seen in these charts, though that may be more due to the fact that we’re less likely to talk about our sex drives in public as other countries do. So which country is it?

Answer: No one.
That’s right! According to all my research, the country with the highest libido levels is no one. There are so many conflicting charts, graphs and tables littered on the internet that it is impossible to get an accurate count of who has the highest sex drive. One minute it’s Brazil, the next month it’s Italy, the next month it’s Russia…and so on and so on.

What about the UK?
Well this depends on where you live in the UK. In more rural areas, sex is more prevalent (mostly because there’s not much else to do), whereas in busy Metropolitan areas like London or Manchester, sex is less. That’s not to say that you can’t ever find any number of opportunities to have sex in the city (do you like what I did there?), because you can. London alone has a thriving dating and online hook up circuit. There are clubs for every desire and taste, and Soho is still known for offering things that would turn a Catholic priest’s head.

The Happy Truth
But the good news is that there really is nothing to worry about. No one country holds the record for the highest libido. Sex drives vary all year round and everyone is different. My advice is to just get out there and enjoy yourself!

Sex & Alcohol this Spring

EdBennett — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 13:23:20 +0000

11 Apr 2015 - 14:23 | Tags: sex and alcohol, casual sex, STDs, safe sex

Whether you want to believe it or not; alcohol does affect your libido in both positive and negative ways. As booze culture has become so negatively associated with young singeltons in the UK, we thought it might be worth exploring the ups and downs of how drinking will affect your dating and sex life. Pay attention people as it’s time to find out just what a bottle of wine or ten pints of beer can do to your libido.

1. Dutch Courage
An old cliché for a reason; it’s true. We don’t encourage you to drink in order to get up the courage to ask someone out, but we do recognise that some people get extremely nervous when trying to chat up the object of their desire. One or two drinks is usually okay as an aid, but if you’re already slurring your words by the time you go over to say hello, it’s time to call a cab and head home.

2. Moderation Over Excess
Drinking in moderation is less likely to affect your libido in a negative way. Whereas excess drinking can cause erectile dysfunction, vomiting and lead to forgetting to use contraceptives, drinking in moderation can add a little extra vibe to proceedings. It’s all about moderation people!

3. Alcohol is a depressant
This is not really good for your sex life. If you already suffer from mild or clinical depression than you need to stay well away from alcohol this spring! If you drink in moderation then there is no reason for you to cut off alcohol from your diet completely. Medical research shows that a glass of red wine every day can actually clear blocked arteries over a period of time, which is good for the heart. Again it is all about knowing your limits.

4. Can lead to bad decisions
The more you drink, the more likely you are to make poor decision when it comes to your sex life. What sounds amazing after a bottle or 2 of wine may cause you a lot of aggravation and stress in the days and months to follow. As our inhibitions lower with alcohol, so too do our cognitive abilities. This leads to us taking unnecessary risks when it comes to sex. Moderation is key.

5. Champagne Aphrodisiac
Whilst alcohol does have many negative aspects, it also can be used to create a romantic atmosphere. You’ll be hard pushed to find a woman who doesn’t like a glass of champagne so bear that in mind when meeting up with an f-buddy.

The key to all this is moderation. If you drink in moderation this spring, you’re more likely to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life. If you drink to excess, you’re highly likely to become one of those depressing UK statistics on the NHS. Be aware and be safe!