There are many schools of thought that suggest monogamy is not our natural state. Here in the developed world, we believe that a traditional family unit is made up of two monogamous partners that have sex with each other but no one else, then any children are raised within that family unit. There are other cultures where any children belong solely to the mother, whom the father is makes no difference nor is it tracked. The children are then raised by the tribe, the group as a whole. The men sleep with multiple different partners in the group and the women have power and autonomy separate of any male counterpart. I make no judgement as to whether this is a good or a bad thing, but it does make you wonder if the way that we are doing things is the best way? This was something I remembered and started thinking about again in more detail when I was messaged and asked the question: “I am married and want a fuck buddy. Is that possible? Can I be married and still have a fuck buddy?” According to that culture, where marriage doesn’t even exist, you can, so the answer would be yes. Here marriage is something that is very real, and includes a commitment to remain monogamous. So can you still have a fuck buddy? Well the answer is yes you can, but you have to be careful about how you do it.
The best way to have a fuck buddy when married, is to be honest with your partner and get them on board with the choice. Honesty is one of the foundations to any good relationship, and with something this big being dishonest can break the relationship. It is worth asking yourself the question “Do I still want to be in this marriage?” If the answer is no, then you can go ahead and get a fuck buddy and any resulting split may benefit you in the long term anyway. If you do want to stay in the marriage, consider talking to your partner about this.
When you approach this, a good way to talk about it is to start by deconstructing the foundations that support the belief that one can not have a fuck buddy when married. Talk about openness, think about all the reasons that doing this will benefit the relationship between the two of you. If you are happier, then you bring that extra happiness to the marriage. That will then spill over into how good the marriage itself is.
For the right couple, having a fuck buddy in the mix can be a beneficial thing to a relationship. If it is something you are considering, then weigh it up carefully in your own mind first, then talk to your partner about it. You may be surprised to find that they are more open to it that you might otherwise think.